Last week I went to the beach for a few days. Sitting on the sand, I watched the vast expanse of the sea stretching way out to the horizon. I could sit there for hours watching and listening to the waves. It occurred to me that what I could see was only part of the reality. All the life and activity under the water was not visible to me. I've never been diving, but the one time I went snorkelling I was amazed: it was like there was another world down there. I thought about how people are like the sea. We see a lot on the surface but there is much more below: worldviews, desires, fears, experiences, anxieties, delights, and more.
Each student is a deep sea full of things that make them who they are. But what implication does that have for a teacher? Do we need to dive through the depths of each of our students' lives to find out everything about them? Absolutely not. Besides the obvious privacy concern, teachers simply don't have time to get to know each student intimately. I believe that we need to remember that each student IS a sea as we go about planning lessons and interacting with students in and out of the class. I haven't used this metaphor until now, but I think changing my view of my students from "a sea of faces" to a "room of seas" has transformed my teaching for the better. I have learned to build relationships with students that allows me to see them each as unique individuals.
Before I became a classroom teacher I tutored various students in English. In these one-to-one tutorials I tried my best to find out as much about the student - their goals, their learning experiences, their strengths and weaknesses, and more. All so I could help them in the way that was best for them. When I got a teaching job, I was suddenly faced with 70 students (and that was just one of 13 classes!). Completely overwhelmed, I quickly threw out any notion of getting to know the students (even their names) and threw myself into racking my brain and the internet for ideas to motivate and control the "sea of faces". I put away any thoughts of building relationships with students thinking that was a luxury reserved for one-to-one lessons or very small classes.
Carrying this thinking with me to my next job (in which I only had 15 students in a class) I was shocked one day when I received a complaint from above about my teaching. The student who complained felt that I was not teaching at his level and not helping him in the way he needed. The reason I was shocked was that this student was always pleasant in class and gave such warm smiles that I assumed he was perfectly happy. But looking back, I realise that I didn't have the slightest insight into this student's needs or character. The same was true for all of my students. And they likewise knew little about me. I viewed my job as an organiser of activities and the students as clients.
Over the years I have grown and developed and seen great advantages in getting to know my students and building relationships with them. These include (but are not limited to): increased enjoyment in my job, respect from students, smoother classroom management, a more positive learning environment, increased "buy-in" to tasks, better attendance, more honest feedback, and better performance in assessments.
Some ways that help me build relationships with students
I've tried to think of all the ways that I have tried to get to know students better and build relationships. (Not to say I have mastered it - I am still growing.) This is what I've come up with so far:
Learn students' names and use them
It does take effort but I have found that it's worth it. Students feel more known and valued when a teacher calls them by name.
Smile at the beginning of class
Don't underestimate the power of a smile. My usual way of beginning lessons in the past was very hurried and to the point. One day I made a conscious effort to smile before doing anything else - I just looked out at each student and smiled...then they smiled back. Such a small thing like that made a big difference to the lesson.
Design tasks where students write or speak about themselves
Whether they need to write something or say something or discuss in groups, design the task so that they can express their ideas and experiences.
Really listen when students are speaking
When students give answers in class, I used to try to get through it really quickly so that I could get as many students to speak as possible. But in my rush I hardly listened to what they were saying before moving on to the next. Slow down. Give quality priority over quantity. These days I try hard to focus my attention on the student speaking by maintaining eye contact and responding thoughtfully to the content of what they say. This shows the students I really want to hear what they have to say.
Do the tasks yourself
I used to assign writing tasks without doing them myself. When I began to write these tasks for myself, it not only gave the students an example but also let them know more about me. For example, they read a description of my sister and how I make bread in my bread machine. They also learned some deeper things such as a childhood experience that left a lasting impact on me which I wrote about in another post. The students appreciated my effort and openness. They completed the tasks with more care and authenticity.
Err on the side of compassion
I once had a student whose attendance and attitude gradually became worse and worse. I ignored the issue mostly and gave her a couple of warnings. It wasn't until the end of the course when I talked to her and actually listened to her side of the story. By then it was too late: the relationship was strained and there was no more time to turn things around. Since then I have tried a different approach. If I notice a student not engaging or attending I try to talk to them one-on-one as soon as possible. I ask them how things are going and if they are having any struggles. There is usually something going on in the students' life: depression, chronic fatigue, and grief are some of the issues I have come across in these chats. I try to always respond to negative behaviour with compassion first.
Foundational to all these practical steps is a simple respect and love for our fellow human beings. One of my lectures would say often: "Remember that you are teaching humans". Treat others how you want to be treated - not as a drop in the sea, but as a whole and unique sea. Not to say I have mastered this - I am still growing.
How do you build positive relationships with your students?
What impact has it had on yourself and your students?
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